A position has recently been created within the ECB for a Wizard of OZ. While our team have already guaranteed a vyable way of getting home from Oz (more likely sooner than later) we still require them to be provided with a heart, a brain and a substantial injection of courage before they leave our shores again for an excursion to the West Indies. All applicants (even Geoffrey Boycott's grandmother) will be considered. Please apply in writing via email to davidmorgan@ecb.com.

Seriously, has anyone got a clue how to turn this Titanic disaster that is the current England team away from the iceberg before it ends up hitting rock bottom?