| cricket allrounders
Ill repeat myself.
I was chatting away to the Professor last night, working late into the night investigating the dynamics of cricket ball polish in our top secret lab in the Loire Valley (“no-one would expect cricket experiments in France” ,winked the Professor), when he lifted his half moon glasses up off his crooked nose and said “Jenkins, you know that Botham was the worst thing to happen to English cricket for a decade!”
I dropped the test tube of Amyl nitrate, and once I regained consciousness, the professor explained that “Since Bothams’ time, England team managers, and county sides had been endlessly looking for replacements to Ian Botham, who is the type of cricketer who comes around once in 50 years. Only five other players have the magic 200/3000, and lots of talent has been squandered and lots of cricketers burned out under the weight of “he’s the next Botham” expectation.
Even now, Freddy Flintoff gets the same expectations. And if were not careful he’ll go the same way as Craig White, Chris Lewis and Alex Tudor.”
I thought about this and remembered even Darren Gough being hailed as “the next Ian Botham”at the start of his career.
The professor continued , flecks of spittle foaming at his mouth. The difference between madness and genius is a fine line that the professor walks most days, I thought.
“Do we spend too much time searching for an all rounder to be in the team? Is an all rounder really a necessity or a luxury? Look at SA, who have two world class all -rounders. Still not a superb team are they?
Look at Australia, who don’t really have all rounders. Best team in the world. So why the fixation on all rounders? You don’t really need them to succeed. They’re are a big red herring.”
“Surely they help professor, look at England’s success in the 80’s” I stammered.
“Yes” smiled the professor. “But with Boycott, Gatting, Gower and Gooch in the team, and bowling talent to match, the team was superb even without Botham. Indeed he was banned for drug abuse (“ah yes, cannabis” I said “no thanks” said the professor) for a while, and England still won test matches without Botham. Indeed, they should have done better, winning the ashes more often and perhaps even won two world cups”
“But professor,” I stammered, “it’s just media hype, build ‘em up and shoot ‘em down”
The professor said “No lad, the days off the all rounder have passed away , and thank the Lord for that!”
“There will never be a time in cricket with similar results for all-rounders. Too much cricket is played and they get worn out ”
With that the professor placed his glasses back on his nose and said “Pass over that polish, Jenkins, I need to check my new red and white ball with the liquid Nitrogen centre”
And I was left to ponder the aluminium bats in the workshop, whilst Caroline the lab assistant helped polish my balls.
Has the professor been spending too long working on the dynamics of cricket ball polish? Is the medication wearing off? Will he save the world from the dangers of cricket ball polish? Can cricket balls really have liquid nitrogen centers?
Or does he have a point?
Apologies (and thanks) to Goatman and Farmer Giles who’s ideas started this off!
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I have a dream.... (Martin Luther King)
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