How about calling up this first choice XI:-

Coach:-

Richardson D.

Physio:-

Ehsan Mani

Team:-

Blair, A*
Brown, G
Prescott, J.+
Straw, J.
Reid, J.
Darling, A.
Hoon, G.
Benn, H.
Milburn, A.
Boateng, P.
Mandelson, P.

They could also take Howard, M. and Kennedy, C., the latter as a substitue fielder, and the former they can deliver a sharp rap across his shins with a 5-iron every time he opens his stupid mouth.
I admit, its a fairly unexpected touring squad but I'm sure they would do us all justice.

__________________
Still, a man hears what he wants to hear

And disregards the rest.