Return of the half arsed WAT 1st XI vs. WAT 2nd XI

[Kirsty Harris]

Originally Posted by Teatime FatCat

Kirsty would be far to polite to thrash me to the boundary though

Don't you belive it!! It's the quite ones you have to watch!!

[Paoli]

Originally Posted by The Phantom Ram

What do I do?
Am I in or out?
What is the concept of this game?
How many questions can I ask in such a small post?

Well, if by the 29th of October there is no sign of Seamer, Pete, Mongoose, Lemming and Goatman, then Victor Frankenstein, The Phantom Ram, Milo, Shaka and imaginarydiva, as well as John and cantplaycanttalk, will be sent to the WAT 2nd XI Training Camp, where Andy is holed up in at the moment.

The 1st XI are enjoying a problem free and injury free holiday in Bermuda. Did I say Holiday?!?! Oh, I meant training camp However, at the moment they're without Beny and Zainub but they will join the squad after the training camp. At least we've received word from these players!!!

The concept of this game is just a little bit of fun, nothing actually happens, we just talk crap on a thread about what will happen. The game is scheduled for 1000GMT on Sunday November 13th, so it is a fair way off. However, there are warm up matches, as I have been informed.

• The 1st XI will take on the Northern Territory on Friday 4th November. This will be followed by two matches against Minor Counties and Combined Universities.
• The 2nd XI are going to take on the Combined Universities 2nd XI, and many thanks to Teatime FatCat for organising a match against the Chertsey 3rd XI. TTFC is 'weighing up his options' on whether to represent the Chertsey or WAT 2nd XI team.

If there are any other warm up matches that I don't know about, post 'em here.

[Teatime FatCat]

I think it is my duty to play for the WAT 2ndXI on the path to greater glory. anyway I am planning to hand over the Chertsey 3XI captaincy to a younger man and the race is on between Spiros the Greek Legspinner, Fat Barry the Donkey Jockey and 'Chump' our Swiss International.

However, wild horses (or a large haddock) will not drag any team tactics from me.....erm, as we don't actually have any!

The match will take place at The Home of Cricket - Chertsey Rec, and teas will be supplied by Barry's mum. If you saw Barry, you'd know why we got his mum to do the teas, mmmmmmm coffee cake! We'll play 45 overs a side (cos we can't concentrate for any longer) and we'll begin at 1pm (if we start any later the park keeper get's a bit twitchy in case he misses his free pint at the bowling club).

The Chertsey ground is an idyllic setting, bordered by a private girls school to the west (everyone hangs around on that boundary) and a doberman breeding farm to the east (strange lack of volunteers to sweep this boundary!). Behind the bowlers arm from the railway end is an ice-cream van and a paddling pool and at the other end, the main A322 to St Peters Hospital which can offer site screens in the form of speeding ambulances (if you're quick!). There is a bowling green in the south east corner, which is the source of much hilarity should anyone hit a six into it, and at one endof the ground a line of beautiful oak trees behind which one of our fielders found a couple having a 'knee-trembler' last year whilst retrieving a paticularly big hit.

The pitch is slow and low and the parky is quite often still marking out the boundary whilst the first over is being bowled. The assistant parky, a huge hunchbacked man (this is true - I'm not making it up!) fancies himself as a cricketer, and quite often can be seen limbering up furiously on the 3rd man boundary if one of our 'quicks' is going through a nightmare spell.

Peversely, the outfield is flat and true with an absence of dog poo, and drains well on wet days. Last season the council managed to dump about half a ton of sharp sand just inside the boundary, which the parky got around by spray painting a white line across the middle of it to form a somewhat mountainous boundary.

The changing facilities are a little spartan, with only two ancient toilets. Unfortunate sounds and smells are avoided by everyone using the oppositions toilet before they arrive. There is only room on the floor for around 5 coffins, so we hang all our stuff, stand inside each others coffins and change that way. Except for our youngest member - Medium Sized Dan, who we make get changed outside, next to the Doberman's fence.

All in all, it' a fantastic place to play and I wouldn't miss it for the world - WAT would be most welcome!

[Paoli]

The history of Chertsey CC: By TTFC. Has a good ring to it doesn't it Seems like a very interesting ground.

More importantly though, how's the training camp going with just the six of you there?

[Teatime FatCat]

Well, it means that there are more Isotonic drinks and bananas for me, but I'm afraid that Oliver has spread his stuff all over the dressing room, and I'm not touching his 'support garments' for anyone!

[Andy Mellon]

I'm currently residing near the ice cream van, enquiring as to whether they sell 'oyster' ice creams. I might consider buying one for each member of the team, as there's only 6 of the main 2nd XI here. Still, i'm sure our reserves can be wheeled out for this 'friendly of a lifetime' against Chertsey 3rds. Having driven past the ground myself on the way to Thorpe Park, it does seem an idyllic setting, though I didn't spot the nearby girl's school. I'd better be on my best behaviour!!

Sounds like TTFC will be the captain for the 2nd XI in this game. What's the batting order looking like TTFC? Can you give us the low-down on the opposition line up? If the pitch is slow and low, I fancy stealing a couple of wickets with my speciality 'yorker on the second bounce' delivery.

[Teatime FatCat]

Well, far be it for me to spill too many secrets (he says, instantly going back on his word!) but I can tell you about a few players to watch :

Opening the batting for Chertsey will probably be 'Pants' DuToit and Wiggy Wiggins. DuToit is a very good batter, only let down by his tendency to laugh nervously when lashing the ball through the slips for 4. Wiggins doesn't like running at all, and a single is often a run too far for him. Bowl to his end I think.

Watch out for 'Pullo' Pulling our big hitting number 3, he's a monster. Best set 3 cow corners out from the start (amazing how many captains miss this simple trick) and make him run lots of threes, his vision will blur and he will become useless.

At number 4 you have Timmy Beer who has a fondness for the leg side - fast and straight to him and a 1 - 8 field should suffice.

At 5 you have the youngster 'Baldy' Baldwin who on his day is impossible to bowl at. Unfortunately his day is usually on a Monday when we are all back at work.

And finally, you don't want to bowl whilst Spiros the Greek Legspinner is at the crease. He never takes a guard, has a fondness for driving seamers straight back over their heads first ball and quite often laps his partners taking quick singles. He's a class act, and he could really look the part if we could get him to wear his whites instead of the beige casual slacks he is so fond of!

Our tail only 'wags' in the way the Manx Cat's does and is usually held together by our doughty veteran no11 'Sweaty Betty' Chenery. However, he can be easily distracted during the early parts of his innings by the offer of a Strawberry Mivvi from the Ice Cream Van.

So there you are Andy, bring some loose change with you!

If anyone wants to know about our bowling, torture couldn't drag it out of me.

[The Phantom Ram]

Can somebody explain the concept of this? I wasn't around this time last year. Cheers.

[Collyisamackem]

Can I umpire?

[Beny]

Could be a dangerous job Colly....