Return of the half arsed WAT 1st XI vs. WAT 2nd XI

[Teatime FatCat]

Originally Posted by The Phantom Ram

Can somebody explain the concept of this? I wasn't around this time last year. Cheers.

There is no concept Ram, it's just a silly thread where we mess around and some of us pretend to be hilariously funny. Last time we did this, some of the members selected wrote a short piece of commentary on how they thought their batting or bowling spell might have gone - purely for fun.

Fot instance, this year, if elected Captain, I shall open the bowling with myself and have already nominated my bunnies. You gotta watch out for Olly though, I reckon he'd be difficult to get the ball off of if he gets a wicket. I suspect he may want to bowl at both ends!

[Andy Mellon]

Its a damp autumnal day in Chertsey. A lone rook (is it a crow or a rook, can anyone prove it?) flies forelornly over the well cropped outfield. A bespectacled youth kicks a football onto the hallowed turf and is unceremoniously booted out of the park. A park warden picks some litter off the grass, and at this moment, the very image of manhood - TTFC steps out onto the field of play, takes a sniff of the air and coughs up a hairball.

In short, its a good day for cricket.

Spiros the Greek has been nominated as Chertsey 3rd XI captain for the day and comes out to contest the toss with TTFC. The team sheets have been submitted to the umpires, and the lists look like a veritable who's-who of also-rans, ne'erdowells and miscreants.

The umpire, Collyisamackem, throws the coin into the air and...

[flanflinger]

The rook swoops down and snatches the bright shiney object.

Play is temporarily postponed while 22 players chase a Rook round the field.

Finally caught by TTFC (who saved it's wing for a snack)

The Toss process started again this time the coined landed on......

[Andy Mellon]

TTFC calls tails. Unfortunately, Collyisamackem had extracted the cap from a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale to use as the coin, and TTFC loses by default as there is no 'tails' on the bottle top.Spiros the Greek has won the vital toss. He walks out to take another look at the batting track. Surely with the overcast weather and the damp in the air he can only choose to put WAT 2nds into bat... He walks back to Collyisamackem to let him know his decision...

[Teatime FatCat]

Being a Greek, a fails to understand cloudy weather, and promprtly puts Chertsey 3XI in. The batting order will be -

Pants DuToit+
Wiggy Wiggins
Pullo Pulling
Timbo Beer
Baldy Baldwin
Spiros*
Dr Raj
Niraf Unpronouncable
PC36784 Avery
Medium Sized Dan
Sweaty Betty

Let battle commence, but who is to open the bowling?

[Andy Mellon]

Originally Posted by Teatime FatCat

Let battle commence, but who is to open the bowling?

Well, you're the skipper, captain! You've got vast amounts of bowling reserves in your armoury, but who can break the back of the deadly Chertsey 3rds?

[Teatime FatCat]

Boycott's Granny for one!

I think I'll open up with Olly's swingers and a little bit of John at the other end. He's a South African, so he's bound to be fast and nasty. Olly can take the Ice Cream Van end, and John can have the Hospital end.

[The Phantom Ram]

Originally Posted by Teatime FatCat

There is no concept Ram, it's just a silly thread where we mess around and some of us pretend to be hilariously funny. Last time we did this, some of the members selected wrote a short piece of commentary on how they thought their batting or bowling spell might have gone - purely for fun.

Aah! I see. I wondered if runs were scored by posts made over a certain period or something like that. I shall carry on reading and see how it goes.

[Oliver]

West End Lane, Esher is a fairly idyllic setting too.

Always enjoy playing away there... though they do have a tendancy to not watch cricket in the clubhouse... which is a bit off.

Back to the match at hand:

I have been known to open the batting Paoli... I did it quite successfully for the early part of my fourth decade.
And now, unless I have a cortisone injection in my right shoulder, I may have to rely on batting for the remainder of my career.

However, assuming best form... which I do whenever these realistic games are mentioned... I do have to tell you that in my case there is not simply "early swing" there is also "late swing" "booming swing" "reverse swing" and in short "unplayable swinging deliveries."

Let me at you mate... Can't wait to bowl you out.

[Oliver]

OK TTFC, I accept your decision, though normally I'd have the end with the helpful constantly changing wind direction, and of course, I always like to bowl toward the end with the huge rutted cart tracks on a length.

Always been deadly into those... though disappointingly it was my brother who managed to take six for nine on a similarly scarred astroturf strip back in the dim and distant mists of time somewhere down by the Thames all those years ago. He IS an opening batsman, and practically never bowled again. Pah! Average protectors! Pah! I say.
Pah!

Reckon I'm good for about thirteen overs (no eight... been putting on weight since I damaged the shoulder four months ago...) p'raps four overs in the first spell would be more like it... I might have a bit of difficulty lugging my paunch up to the stumps.

Fortunately my heart is as strong as an... OX... phew thanks for restarting me heart there...