Hair

[Richie Benauds Love Child]

Despite the odds, on thursday I have a date, for the first time in yonks, so I'm slightly nervous. The reason for my nerves is not my hairline (which does seem to be receding a bit but thats another story) is the emotive subject of body hair. No not hers, mine. Having talked to several female friends (those I've got tonnes of) male body hair is a major turn off for most women. Now you'll be surprised to hear that under the Ivory blazer, isnt the body of an olympian. rather a slightly over weight, hairy lump. In the past its been compaired to someone wearing a mohair poncho and matching trousers. Detractors havent been as kind. I'm aware that in the gay community this something to be proud of in certain circles, but not since the 70s has been in vogue in mainstream society. Now, I been assured (or wound up) into thinking this may pop up in conversation, so what do I do ?

[greg]

I'm afraid gorilla boy your chances are limited unless you get rid.

[Richie Benauds Love Child]

Thats my fear greg. It got to the stage where I wont go out in the back garden in only my shorts (not in this weather definately) because of small children hurling abuse over the fence from the foot path. That and poachers of course.

[Oliver]

Originally Posted by Richie Benauds Love Child

Now, I been assured (or wound up) into thinking this may pop up in conversation, so what do I do ?

Don't be such a wuss.

That said... I'd be tempted to lie about it.

It is said (umm, in certain circles) that some ladies like a bit of chest hair. A couple of undone buttons showing the top most region of your mat (ten pence a tuft according to Eric Morcambe) might not go amiss.

There again, a little subtle probing (with your conversational skills Richie... down boy) might extract the information of whether or not she likes to neatly plait her man's chest hair while she's reclining coyly in his bed. Or whether the thought of doing such a monstrous job might lead her to seek out one of those free airline bags.

I think if it's on your back and shoulders have it waxed off. And if it's on your chest leave well alone until you know the state of play.

On no account bring the topic into the conversation yourself, as she might think that you're implying her moustache needs a trim.

I'm sure she hasn't got one... but you can see what I mean.

Anyway I'm sure that where Richie Benaud's Love Child doesn't succeed, James from Sheffield will have every success.

Get in there my son.

Well, obviously not "my son" 'cos then you'd be Oliver's Love Child!

[Teatime FatCat]

Ok Richie, this is like my life repeating itself, so let me tell you a story.................

A few years ago I blagged a date out of the blue with a girl from the bank. Not having dated for some significant time, I was determined to get things right. Now I too could be best described as hirsute, and at worst as 'The Wolfman', of particular concern to me was my hairy back, which 99% of women find less than attractive. So I took the ultimate plunge, went down to the local beauty parlour, and asked to have the whole lot waxed off.

OH MY GOD! - I have never known pain like it, it was excruciating, and it lasted a long, long time! Also, afterwards, I developed an unsightly rash on my back, which meant should I be lucky enough to lure this unsuspecting woman into bed, I would have to be wearing my England One-Day shirt to 'keep things sexy', or do it with the lights off.

Things were not going well!

As it was, I went through all of this for nothing. We had a wonderful date, and she did indeed stay the night - however, she had drunk herself into oblivion by 11pm, and I had to put her in her pyjamas and tuck her in - in the spare room. We did see each other on a number of occasions, and each time I got my back done just to please her, and each time it bloody hurt - but true love was not forthcoming and I took my overdraft elsewhere. Also, Richie, body hair grows back pretty quick and the girls don't like 'body stubble' either - so basically, you can't win.

My advice is to drop in a loaded comment about hairy men and women during your date, and see how she reacts - don't forget that there are hairy women out there too! Mind you, the only problem with that is during moments of passion, you can become locked together like fuzzyfelt!

Groom yourself before the date, trim 'noseys' and the back of the neck - the rest of it, don't worry about - you are as god intended, and she should love you for your natty line in blazers!!!!!

[Zainub]

Before I opened this thread, I was expecting something about Darrel / Daryl (which ever way he spells it) Hair!

[Occasional Fan]

It's Darrell. Painful language, this English, isn't it?

[Occasional Fan]

Don't know where the warning sign came from above. But I can't remove it, it seems.

[Richie Benauds Love Child]

Maybe you're subliminally wincing about the waxing option ?

[Teatime FatCat]

Richie, imagine scraping bare knees on tarmac, or a big paper cut, orbending your thumb backwards badly - it's that kind of pain!