Hair

[Richie Benauds Love Child]

Having decided to keep the hair, just trimming kneck and nose as TTFC suggested (the nose I had neglected for a while - and with a conk my size it looked as though I'd inhaled a small animal) I arrived suited and booted a 7.15 ready for my date at 7.30. I was on mineral water (early start next day) and ready to go. So I waited. I waited till 7.45. 8.00. 8.15. She arrived at 8.30. "Hiya !!!! Sorry I'm late - had a drink after work" Oh what time did you finish ? "OooH about 4" A vulture decended onto the bck of my chair. She was hammered. I carried on gamely, and we ordered. Just a mineral water for me. She perused the wine list."Garcon, whats strongest" Now even the vulture left. But she seemed like a happy drunk. "Stupid Iti ****." OK make that a mean racist drunk.

I battled through conversation with someone who appeared to be from a different planet and the most arkward meal ever. We stumbbled to coffees , "Better Stick some scotch in it pedro". At this point, content the evenig was a right-off, I asked about body hair. She then let out a loud tarzan impression, finished with a burp. "Oh are you one of them. My ex had a load of chest hair. I set fire to it after he ********** me off one day"Really, what did he do ?"Cant remember, just felt like it I think". Has anybody thought you're a bit mad, i ventured. "Yeah one ex did but he got the message I wasnt". I never found out how. The red wine wanted to make a reappearence so she legged it to the ladies. In that time I settled the bill, banged the waiter some cash to pour her in a cab, and like all good tabloid journalists, made my excuses and left.

A phone call to a mutual friend confirmed she was OK and said she appologised for being ill. ILL ? Bonkers would be a better word. I'm now trying to grow a handle bar tash.

SO, next question, when is a good time to ask about mental illness ? Its not the first nutter I've met and have the stab wounds to prove it. Women.

[Paoli]

Originally Posted by Richie Benauds Love Child

A phone call to a mutual friend confirmed she was OK and said she appologised for being ill. ILL ? Bonkers would be a better word. I'm now trying to grow a handle bar tash.

SO, next question, when is a good time to ask about mental illness ? Its not the first nutter I've met and have the stab wounds to prove it. Women.

Rich, on the first point, highly commend you. Grow the tash. Looks as if you've got a penchant for picking up the wrong women. I guess in that case when she did the Tarzan impression.

[Teatime FatCat]

Richie Baby, that sounded like my usual dates, I don't see the problem really. You must learn to go with the flow in these scenarios - necking a few Peronis, a quick burst of Pavarotti on the table with your trousers down, and flash her your body hair over dessert. Piece of cake, she's coming home with you and you've scored a stalker!

Seriously though, I'm guessing a slightly more cerebral, fun-loving, food appreciative, mutually nuturing date would be the way forward in future. Also, I found that myself and many of my friends found love at the most unusual times and places -

The Inestimable Nurse Betty fell in love with me when I was dressed as Billy Bunter DJ'ing the cricket club School Disco, she mooned around in front of the decks (I think some Gin & Tonic was at work here) and then promptly fell over in the middle of a puddle left by the bubble machine, trashing my 80's electro collection. I knew from then she was the woman for me!

[Oliver]

Originally Posted by Richie Benauds Love Child

"Hiya !!!! Sorry I'm late - had a drink after work" "OooH about 4"
Women.

I think you should arrange to see her again, after work for a drink at around 4.30.

You never know, she might have been taking on Dutch courage because she was terrified of screwing up.

(Poor choice of words; strike "screwing" from the record.)

Was she hammered when you first met her?